I am not shy or sly, I just cannot maintain eye contact

Simple things are the hardest to do. We all know that when you are talking to someone, you should maintain eye contact. We even teach children to look at someone when talking to them. You either come out as shy or sly if you do not look someone in the eye.

To those of us with the blessing of a mind that works faster than our vocal chords, maintaining eye contact is an uphill task. It is something we have to remind ourselves in every conversation. When my mind is working overtime to construct sentenses and guage which words will be troublesome, eye contact is the last thing I care about.

You may think that we are just being sly, or too shy for this world but that is far from it. What should you then do? Just maintain eye contact. Look us in the eye, the few times we will pass a glance at you, it is just to confirm that you are still listening. Be patient, maintain eye contact and respond when we are done.

If you are in authority, then you have to cultivate an easy atmosphere for a stammerer. We tend to stammer more around authority figures. So, relax and look us in the eye.

In our struggle to put across the message, the quality of speech is not as important as passing the message. We will never convey a message exactly how we would love to, even if we practice over and over. It is good to wait and ask for clarification than interjecting. It is one thing we have to practice over and over especially when we go for an interview, to look people in the eye even who the mind is running around looking for words.

Sharing stories,changing perceptions..........

27th September 2011

Strength of a woman is evident in stammering

Reggae crooner Lord Laroh has a comical song- woman ruler; he sings that one day women will rule the world. If there is one thing that proves this it is stammering. One percent of the world population stammers, of those who stammers, one out of five is a woman. Women are also known to naturally grow out of stammering. This is one indication that women are genetically stronger than men, I leave the rest to researchers.

I have met few women who stammer, I even fell in love with one of them. I will speak about that one next time. I believe it is better for a man to stammer, I tend to find it so unfair when women stammer. You know women are meant to be nice and calm. The jerks and blocks of stammering make it so un-girly.

If you ever doubted the strength of a woman, learn from stammering that the fairer sex is stronger. In children who stammer, boys tend to stammer longer while girls will most likely stop stammering before teenage. Even when women let men to take the lead, let us remember that they were created with an inherent strength to help men.

As we celebrate the International Stammering Awareness Day on Saturday, October 22nd, we take time to salute women, for showing us that someone can conquer this condition.

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© 21^st September 2011     kenyatta otieno

Do not hang up on a stammerer

It is frustrating to have something to say and not be able to say it. It is even more frustrating to try to say it and not say it as well as you would like to. This is a stammerers way of life, we go through it daily. Our world is full of anger, disappointments and frustrations. People have come to label us ‘an angry lot,’ maybe we are, but 

maybe it is because the fluent speakers think we are slow or are wasting their time.

There was a young man who went to borrow an axe from a neighbor. Upon arrival, as is the custom before he could say what he wanted the host offered him a mug of tea. He accepted, and then sat to drink the local version of a cold coke. Then all of a sudden another young man came into the compound and asked for the axe. The host brought it to him but the first man stood up and said that’s what had brought him to the home as well. The host was caught in an awkward position.

I like to tell the above story but I have never thought that the first man may have been a stammerer. It happens to us a lot, we agonize and prepare to say something then back off at the last minute. We have thus lost opportunities or seen what we want slip away just because we could not say what we wanted at the right time.

Watch out for the caller who seems to take long to speak on the other end. Sometimes the world moves so fast for us, and what we can do is to keep what we have to say in our hearts. Who can stand the jerks, gyrations, blocks and prolonged speech? It is worse when you hang up on me. A lady hanged up on me around March and I have never called her since. It is the harshest thing someone can do to us. Nevertheless, we get hang-ups every day, when we can’t say what we want to say. The phone is the worst invention to have been made, just ask any stammerer.

If you have not read the new constitution, please do so. It is against the Kenyan Constitution to complete sentences for a stammerer or hang up the phone on them. Oh yes, this year’s International Stammering Awareness Day is about sharing stories and changing perceptions.

Share with us on www.nairobistammering.wordpress.com

© 18^th September 2011      kenyatta otieno

God knows why he made you the way you are

As we prepare to celebrate the International Stammering Awareness Day on Saturday October 22^nd 2011, a good story came to mind. My cousin Fred, claims to know me so well, better than any of my relatives. He had been admitted to Kenya Polytechnic where he had made many friends and even became a leader. He invited me for lunch and an afternoon drink just to see how he was making it. We met in town and walked into the college with him.

No sooner had we entered the gate than he heard someone call from the balcony, Otie (that was my high school nick name) then there was a shout of Onyatto and Kenyatta-Kenyatta, my student activist tag, we all had double names since the days of Miguna Miguna and Kabando wa Kabando. Where he thought he would introduce me to his friends, I was the one introducing him to his colleagues.

We sat down in the cafeteria to have lunch and Fred smiled shyly in his characteristic way. He squinted; he does this always before unleashing words of wisdom or utter nonsense (I also know him well.) “God knows why you have to stammer Kenyatta, if you had fluent speech you could have destroyed the world.” He said and patiently waited for my response. I laughed out loud, not in agreement of or lack of the same but at his wise observation.

What Fred did not know is that the stutter that he thought was holding me like a dog chain was responsible for unleashing me into a man of the people. Like everybody else, he has his own opinion on stammering. It is for this reason that we come together every year to celebrate this condition that is still a medical mystery.

According to Fred, God made you short, fat or short sighted, for your own good and the good of mankind. I would not say so of stammering, because it is only those of us living with it who know what it takes. We invite you to come and share with us, as we seek to change perceptions.

Al Komaroff said, “If you can’t communicate well, you’ll never participate fully in society… overall your career and relationships will be below your potential.

Present your final submission at the Hague.....

Many years ago I appeared before the University of Nairobi Senate Disciplinary Committee.This was to answer charges for being involved in many acts of unruliness. I even got to learn the word picketing for the first time and that it was an offense. I may not have been involved in the actual acts, but I created an environment where students would do such acts. I lost my cool and I did not do my best in my defense.

The lawyers representing the ODM 3 of the Ocampo 6 are giving their final submissions today. I have followed the proceedings sparingly but it is hard to tell who should take political responsibility for what happened. That aside, if I took you to the Hague and brought charges committed between January 1st and February 28th 2008 what would be your final submissions. I accuse you that you had negative tribalism thoughts as you watched the news. That you shied away from speaking the truth citing the hand of God in what happened. That you watched as people incited others to violence and looted and said or did nothing.

Leadership has responsibilities, as I went through my hearing and a court ordered retrial later for which I prepared well it downed on me the that the burden of leadership is huge. Some of the Ocampo 6 may have to bear the responsibility for what other people did, but allow me to ask WHAT DID YOU DO? or to put it better, WHAT DID YOU NOT DO?

To build a good future for Kenya, free from violence and negative tribalism I hereby ask you to present your final submissions. The Kenya we want depends on you!

When Things Change:- tokelezea

I was named after a fisherman, my grandmother used to call me ‘jalupo’ dholuo for fisherman. I go fishing once in a while when I am at home; it is the way of life for my people. Having grown up in Western Province, going to my rural home is always an experience. I came to learn that fishermen are very good Geographers who can predict the weather and forecast seasons.

To get them to the fishing grounds faster, they rely on wind. To them wind is feminine- the wind from the North to the direction of Kisumu is called nyar Kisumo, it blows in the morning. The stronger afternoon wind that blows from the South- direction of Migingo is nyar die nam dholuo for the lady from the middle of the lake. The fishermen go fishing with nyar Kisumo then nyar die nam brings them back in the afternoon. Many times they have to hang around Rusinga Island to wait for the wind to change direction.

I have realized that God created everything for a reason and a season. In life sometimes we have to flow with the system. We may want to change direction but we will still have to wait for the wind to drive us there. The other option is to use extra effort in paddling against the wind. When the wind changes direction, like my people of South Rarieda, just raise your sail and it will absorb the wind. God will make you cruise faster to your destiny. UTATOKELEZEA.

Whoever gave wind a feminine noun must have had very good reasons. I will dwell on that next time.

©  6^th September 2011        kenyatta otieno