Men, Women and Something in Between

I love stories, and my hood is one place that gives me good stories every day. I live in Laini Saba, if Laini  Saba cannot register in your mental map smoothly, then  Kibera East should hack it. That makes sense, now you can go ahead and size me into sizes. I love my hood; it is the only hood in Nairobi other than Gigiri with a United Nations office, UN Habitat has its offices here. Before you judge me, a pinch of respect will do some magic.

One of my pass times is touching base with men, politics, football, women and gik ma kamago (that’s the new fad after donge? It means- etc) I will not go into details but the hot story in the media then was of a young man (here called a boy)  who was having carnal passions with a willing lady the age of his mother. The discussion became heated with opinions and sooner men were speaking from the heart.

A man who looked over fifty years old was upset as he shared how he cannot imagine chasing after a woman again to marry at his age. “If someone and especially a boy jokes around with my wife now, I will sort him out.” he said curtly. He looks the emotional type, I conclude to myself and make a point to honour my presence among these older men with silence.

Men don’t gossip, you see what we do is we pick an object, that object might be a person, a car or a movie. Then we discuss it to logical conclusions. This is what we were doing, and the discussions touched the heartstrings of these men. As the youngest, I stood out like a sore thumb in many ways.

Everybody agreed that young men are going for older women, or let’s say older women are going for young men. The chemical equation is in a state of equilibrium. The movement is either way depending on which side finds itself with excess molecules to send into the reaction.

So we discuss how men go about this women thing. To my dismay, these men find it normal, cool and a measure of grandeur to have escapades beyond the matrimonial bed. They tend to happy to give, but to receive the same measure is painful. A case of people applying Christ’s command selfishly; to give is better than to receive and what about ‘do unto others….’

This is a field where most men, especially the masters of it, play as a grand opera- more action and less talk. Men, who brag about their exploits with women, tend to be average at this game. So, I listened keenly as the discussion went on in a way that brought out the good and the bad.

We went back to our object of discussion above; we were discussing him and not gossiping. Everybody agreed that he had his days in the sun with ladies but it is wrong for a woman to play this game to the gallery. Oooh, so these men agree that women are also good at this game but they must do it with dignity. Double standards here, but we are men, as long as my lady does not do it in my face, it can pass.

So, because the men had learned to chase, catch and devour with the finesse of a cheetah and the arrogance of a lioness, women have come out of the box as well. This is where Kibera East is different to many Nairobi suburbs. The men say they know too much information about each other. The environment is not conducive to privacy so it is easy for people to cheat on each other.

But why do men cheat? This man who looked more of a construction site foreman went waxing lyrical. Women are available and they are always ready to give so he can’t sit back and watch. One man who looked shy and out of place, spoke in a soft tone to claim his territory- that is a man thing. According to him, it is curiosity. These women just make you want to explore and find out why they are so mysterious.

So it is all about curiosity, and this is killing the men like the proverbial cat. Talking of cats, men go out on a cat walk as well but here it’s to hunt for women. Ever walked into your house tired and hungry and spotted your cat, not known to you that the canine was belching away the fumes of your left over meal you had saved for dinner. He always looks innocent; I can hurt no fly look. That is how most men look after a detour from their marriage bed.

The domestic cat has a lethal trait. Hell hath no fury like a cornered cat. That is the male equivalent of a woman scorned. So the discussion deviates into many excuses and explanations. It goes back to the point of discussion. The young boy should not have taken his fling with the older woman too far. The woman should not have let the moment of passion carry on for too long.

So to these men from Kibera East, these things happen so the main thing is to manage the saga. There is an old man who clears his throat then backs off again. I look at him, as the only bachelor in this team, they respect me this much to allow me into their chit chat. May be it’s the grey hair I have been acquiring of late, the kind of hair I believe you get if you ever drank “super dip” for juice.

The youngest of the lot who looks shy interjects to send the old man back to his shell. He takes us back to our object of discussion. That man was known to chase ladies all over, his wife is paying in kind. By the way, if I can meet his wife I won’t mind. He adds that, nowadays these women over fifty years of age know how to maintain themselves. Look at Bishop Wanjiru ( Margy) or Esther Passaris. Many others who you wouldn't know are in their late forties look like they barely into their thirties. Mimi ‘nitaongeza chumvi’ and proceed (add salt and eat), he concludes with a tongue in cheek punch line.

The old man seems to have gotten energized. He jumps in when the shy man slows down to take a breath. He speaks quietly, measuring every word as if he wants to hit everyone without hurting them. I adjust myself in my wooden bench space rather subconsciously in anticipation. I rest my elbows on my knees and put my clenched fists below my jaws. He looks interesting.

According to him, old men still think they can run the marathon when they cannot do four hundred metres. This is why many of them are dying in the act after a dose of Viagra to boost their libido. At this point another big shot is brought into the talk and another one who happened to have survived a similar Viagra induced ordeal. Oh God, we-men discuss stuff, but it is not about the people, it is a discussion on Viagra.

The old man manages to wade through the voices of interjectors. The adrenaline has taken over now. He says men should wake up and realize we can’t manage more than one woman and satisfy her fully. Times have changed, the stresses, high expectations drive us up social walls- or do I say social media walls. These pressures send us to chase women to release tension yet we cannot satisfy them.

This man is making sense. “Take it from me, if you chase other women, someone will look after your wife, whether you like it or not.” He says in a hush tone as the atmosphere goes silent. He goes ahead to say that our fathers could manage many wives because there was plenty of good healthy food. Viagra was ingested unknowingly in food in small doses over time. The men never travelled far, they would watch over their wives social and emotional health.

 The expectation was low so men could hack many ladies. Today, it is expensive to have an affair and he went ahead to enumerate as if he is the brains behind Jimmy Gathus ‘piga hesabu’ campaign against extra marital affairs. He added that with little technology in the past, personal contact was a must hence emotional well being.

The old man spoke as the group listened. I could not agree more. If the man thinks he has it all in this game. The woman is empowered; she will go out looking for a substitute. That is wisdom galore, the writer in me has seen a story to pen down. I relax my shoulders, sit up and ask the old man a few questions. In the end I realize, time has changed but the man is stuck in his ways hence most men losing it big time on the family front, worse off losing lives.

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