I will speak...

Last Saturday we held the Nairobi chapter of International Stammering Awareness Day  at Mavuno Church in Nairobi South C. It is held every year on 22nd October.. It was such a wonderful event, being in a room with many stammerers and people associated with stammerers. I took the microphone as the master of ceremony for the day and immediately realized I have come from far. A microphone is like a hand grenade with safety seal off to a stammerer. I may not get a chance to be an MC in a major event, but here I was, with people who will not mind if I am not eloquent or humourous.

This year Kiss FM came in to give us publicity and Caroline Mutoko did a super good job for two weeks prior to the event. People went up the stage to share their stories to change perception. It was inspiring to hear stories, contemporary gospel artist Eko Dyda inspired us when he said his stammering rap style has given him an edge over other artists. I enjoyed myself all through the day and for a whole day, I thought about my stammering.

I have come a long way with my stammering, since as a ten year old I walked away embarrassed from the stage after I could not recite the poem 'chura,' but silently resolved not to coil back. In class seven I asked my scout troop leader to let me command, call it kimbelembele, I call it confidence. I went ahead to lead the Scouts in my last year in primary school.

I have fond memories for the people and teachers who went out of their way to build my confidence. I am forever indebted to my primary school head teacher Mr. Reuben Lumasia (God rest his soul). Many other people did the same in their own small ways and I thank them too.

I am an outgoing person, I get this in comparison to other people who stammer including my big brother. I go out of my way to do things many stammerers will shy away from. I have acted in plays, danced, recited coral verses and even led initiatives. I vied for posts in student union in campus and won, someone commented on my wall that if I was not a stammerer he wouldn't have listened to me. I served as a full time pastor where I led and trained volunteers to the best of my ability.

I am also very perceptive, something I relate to my stammering. Growing up, my stammering was intense. I would keep quiet even when I was meant to speak. This gave me an opportunity to listen and analyse what was going on. I would then deduce my solutions and speak,- oh viola people would be shocked at my brilliance. I have perfected this art and to date, my analysis of many events and processes is spot on.

Stammering has become part of me, so much so that when I speak fluently it comes out as odd. Like most stammering men, the dating scene is a scenario one would rather leave to the heart. I realized that in my early dating days, I was a nice guy. Hanging around a lady long before saying what I really mean to say, when I get to say it, the answer was "we are just friends." It takes a different species of a lady to navigate through this stage with a stammering man. Like Mr. John Ngumi pointed out on Kiss FM, when the time comes to recite wedding vows, the stammerer needs extra grace.

We can never be spin masters. I tend to be economical with words so I dont have the temerity to lie lest I spend the rest of the day explaining myself out of it. Eloquence has its advantages but it also gives someone the temptation to extend the truth. We will never have the luxury to excite crowds with beautiful words and scintillating phrases. In a brief and concise way, we will pass on the message.

These challenges will lead stammerers to end up in careers below our potential. Some of us will also get into relationships out of availability rather than compatibility. It is one of those conditions whose effects are not directly evident. In a world that puts image above substance and communication and public relations as the core of ones worth, stammerers will always fall short. The world moves so fast to care to stop and listen patiently to us as we try to put across our message.

Oh yes, I will speak. Even if the world will not stop to listen I will speak, even if the words will take time to come out, I will speak. If I have to stamp my feet and squint my eyes, pause, take a deep breath and say one word, I will speak. Because I have a story to tell the world in words and in deed, I WILL SPEAK, just be patient and take time to listen.

I when I grow up I don't want to be a pilot or a soldier...

The first desire a child will have after watching an aeroplane fly high above is to fly it.It looks like the ultimate job, away from the common things on earth. My earliest dream was to get into radio, I had memorized most radio commercials and would sing the common songs of the time. I loved the way Hamini Themo would say 'samahani nitarudia tena' in the one o'clock news bulletin.

Then I visited my cousin who was an officer in the Armed Forces and fell for the army. I prayed for the day I will join the forces and be an officer like him. Little did I know that the two careers I desired will forever remain a dream. A stammerer can not be recruited into the army and definitely cannot read the one o'clock news. It was also disheartening to hear that I can never get a flying license as well just because I will be at risk if I can not communicate with the controls clearly and on time.

Stammering is not a disability just like being short sighted or colour blind. From the above examples, it is obvious that it leads to loss of potential. It is good if the society realizes this and assists children who stammer to scale the heights in that which they are good at. Even if I cannot fly, be in the army or read news, I am good at very many other things. It is about living a full life even with lost potential.

sharing stories, changing perceptions.....

Love brewed in the stammering pot

Love is a mystery, so I am none the wiser even after all these years on these earth to speak about love. A few years back, in my attempt to settle down after a three year break from campus- I made friends with some lady. This lady had a friend who stammers and was timid and shy due to her condition. Here she meets a man who despite his stammer was as outgoing as he could be. She introduced me to her friend without giving details and I added her into my new data of acquittance.

The next time I met this lady, we got talking about her stammering, I told her that I speak as much as I can. If I experience blocks or prolongation of speech, I just pause and then go on with what I was talking about. I was a sort of a ruffian, impulsive and smoked almost as much as I breathed, another friend described me as volatile. Here was a born again sister who was as organized and a perfectionist as they come. Apart from stammering, which we enjoyed when we were together because we 'felt' each other, we had nothing else in common. We would spend time together with very minimal talk and still communicate.

To cut the long story short, I fell in love. I came to know Christ and she ended up as a student leader thanks to my ground work and people skills. Then love ended, and as they say, some people come into your life for a season, a reason or forever. Mercy was godsend for that season of my life and I respect her to date. Sometimes I think I had to go for one thousand days 'compulsory academic leave'  just to meet her on my second stint.

Love brewed in the stammering pot- sharing stories-changing perceptions.

4th October 2011